Lauren Rhoka

I also maintain a Carrd site for my character here!

Entry One
My name is Lauren Rhoka. I have been travelling for a while now and I have gone through a lot so I think it might be a good idea to make notes about my experiences. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

I grew up in an irrelevant backwater town in far northern Rathnir. I am, or rather was, the only child to a pair of cobblers. They were not wealthy by any means, but they made just enough to get by. They gave me the best life they could.

When I was a child I got bullied a lot. I found the education I was able to get very hard. I also found it hard to pick up on social cues and follow social structures, My appearance didn’t help things either. I still don't know why I look like I do. The most likely explanation is that there was some kind of magically influenced mutation before I was born I suppose. Despite all this, I did my best to stay positive and try to laugh off the embarrassing situations I often found myself in even if it meant having to push down my sadness and discomfort at being singled out and excluded so much.

During this time I developed a love for nature. Out in the forests and the fields I could be true to myself, away from any sort of judgement. Animals and plants don’t care who or what you are. So long as you respect them and treat them well they will show you the same courtesy. I could embrace my curiosity and love for all of the wonderful things around me. Nature was a safe place for me. It still is. I dreamed of being able to spend all my days surrounded by plants and animals.

I wouldn't be able to have this dream though. When I was 16 I was drafted into the local guard as part of a randomly selective conscription program. I was worried about having to learn to fight and follow the orders of a commander, but I decided to do what she could - it wasn’t like I had much of a choice anyway. During my training I always found herself falling short of my peers even though I put in all the effort I could. The other guards made fun of me for how I struggled in combat. I found the cold indifference of my commanders to be scary. I felt so alone.

A couple of years into my service I was awoken by my commanders calling for a meeting with the whole guard. The lord of the town had announced that he had declared war on a neighbouring lord and his town and that everyone with training was required to fight. Suddenly I was sent into a bloody conflict that was far beyond my understanding. Why did neighbours have to fight? I didn’t understand the fervour that seemed to drive everyone else. I still don't understand it.

The fighting was brutal. After a long time both of our towns were reduced to ruins. I tried my best to avoid participation as much as possible and that led to me being punished and hurt. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt people.

I was driven to my breaking point after being beaten and punished for protesting the madness. I was so upset and scared and so I decided to desert. I ran and ran and ran until my body collapsed and I couldn't run any more. Everything I knew and loved had been destroyed by the greedy ambitions of unfeeling men. It doesn’t matter to me that I can never return to her home - there is nothing to return to anyway. My family is gone.

Now I wander, looking for a new place to call home, somewhere away from war and violence - somewhere I can just live in peace. Every time I think I have found the place I am looking for it gets taken from me in one way or another. Sometimes the locals chase me away because of my appearance. Sometimes the town suffers a similar fate to my home.

I will not give up though. I will find a home.

Entry Two
I have found a home! It is a town called Lostesrei in a country that calls itself Escharia. I still know little of the world beyond the scattered towns and villages I have passed through on my travels. This place is so much bigger than anywhere I have been before. It feels like the grandest place to ever exist! I have been able to find community among the citizens of this town, though I do prefer to live in the farms just beyond the city walls where I can work the fields and be around nature - away from the dense buildings, crowds and loud sounds of city life.

Entry Three
The comfort I thought I finally had didn't last. Of course it didn't. The longer I stayed in Lostesrei the more I learned about Escharia as a whole. While I have been welcomed in Lostesrei I now know that I would be at best shunned in the rest of the nation and at worst... well, I don't want to think about that. Soon after I learned of this reality the Escharian Empire suddenly collapsed and its remaining territories were vassalized by another empire called Kartek.

It has become too dangerous and unstable in Lostesrei. I have decided to leave and look for another home. I just want safety.

Entry Four
I have arrived in a new town! It is a place called Brittlekeep and it is in the Kingdom of Greater Prolings. I have been welcomed with open arms and full acceptance, not just in this town but in the whole country. Dangers still lurk around the corner but the future is starting to look brighter.

Entry Five
I spoke too soon. Peace in Prolings did not last. War and political ambitions began to create cracks in the nation and the horrors of violence have started to become all too real. I need to leave here. I am scared something really bad is coming.

Entry Six
While travelling I came across a wounded man calling himself Vega Alberich. He looked like some kind of demon but he spoke kindly to me. I rushed to help him with his injuries but it turned out he didn't need my help as before my very eyes his wounds healed shut as if they had never been there at all. Vega still appreciated that I provided him with a warm place by my camp fire to rest while he healed. We got talking and I told Vega about my current situation, about how I have been travelling for the last few years looking for safety and peace and losing it each time it seemed to be within my grasp.

Hearing this, Vega offered me an opportunity - come to Tacua and live there with him in Esteconmar employed as his maid, working for himself and his partner, Yukine. He told me that in Tacua I would be guaranteed the peace I want so much and that he would ensure I would be employed and have a roof over my head. Of course this offer sounded like everything I had been searching for and so I took Vega up in a heartbeat.

His home in Esteconmar is very nice! I am really glad that I get to live and work here. I have been told that Tacua has not experienced war in many years and has a reputation for being very safe. I feel like this is the start of something great!

Entry Seven
I must be cursed. Again I must leave my home. Days after I arrive in Tacua it gets attacked by a large group of bandits for the first time in years. They show no intention of leaving the nation alone, either. Vega says we need to leave. I have helped him pack everything in the house. We are now headed for a place far east of here called Tsukikage. Apparently Yuki's parents live there and her mother is even the ruler of the place! If they are anywhere near as nice as she is then it should be lovely to meet then when I get the opportunity!

Entry Eight
I was wrong about Yuki's parents. Her father, a demon named Azazel, is a wicked and cruel excuse for a creature. They are a demon but unlike Vega they seem to relish in violence and suffering. I called them a monster to their face. They should know what they are.

Yuki's mother, Pik Lumenox, seemed okay at first. But she seems to overlook Azazel's horrid actions. I don't know how I can reconcile the good heart she has with her willingness to let evil go unchallenged. Maybe I am missing something.

Pik seems to care about Yuki at least. The same cannot be said for Azazel. They claimed to care for her but all they did was insult her and call her a dissapointment. It made my blood boil. I hate violence, but I wish I could make people just stop somehow. I want to do that without hurting people. I wish I could make people calm down and be kind.

Tsukikage is a very pretty city, though. Pik gifted Vega and Yuki a large manor in the middle of the city. It is very nice here! I hope that despite the questionable morals of the city leadership this place can be a safe haven. It too has a reputation for peace. I hope it lasts.

Entry Nine
I had some free time today so I went for a stroll around the city. It is such a nice place. It has the wonder of nature and the safety of a town.

While I was out I ran into Pik. I was nervous at first as I did have quite the emotional outburst at her husband after hearing of their actions but despite this she invited me to go sailing with her to visit a shrine.

I am so glad that I did because we ended up having a very nice time. We spoke for hours about many things and I feel like I know her a lot better now. I hope she feels the same about me. It would be nice if we could be friends. I still dislike her husband but it is clear to me she sees a side to them that I don't. I need to learn more about them. Still, it is obvious she has a good heart even though she seems to struggle to have faith in herself and believe that she is good. She has been through a lot. I hope she can heal and love herself one day. She deserves it.

Our conversation has made me particularly interested in magic! I wonder if I could learn to have powers like lots of the people I know seem to have. I wonder if I could use magic to make people stop fighting and just make them be calm. That could be nice.

Entry Ten
Today I went to check on Pik. I heard she kinda... freaked out in the middle of town and killed a guy with her cane. I wanted to see if she was doing okay.

I went to her bedroom in her castle and spoke with her. She seemed rather indifferent about the whole affair at first, her cane still covered in dry blood. She told me that the guy she killed was a Niedene from Escharia who wanted to humiliate and kill her and so she dealt with him.

We got to talking and things got emotional. It turns out she felt very conflicted about her actions. Not just in relation to that Niedene man but also in relation to the sins of her past. She feels like an irredeemable monster and a failure.

I told her that it isn't true. The fact she is remorseful and wishes the past was different is proof enough that she has a heart. I told her that she can't change the past but she can influence the future. She can build something good in Tsukikage, build a place where people can live good, happy lives without having to bloody their hands.

We spoke for a long while about self esteem and recognising the good in your heart. I told her that her loved ones see good in her and love many things about her and that people don't just love those things for no reason. I told her to take pride in those things. I told her that the people of Tsukikage are happy and that she is doing well already to make it a good place.

She cried, she didn't know how to process nice things being said about her. She didn't know how to accept and love herself like others accept and love her. She didn't understand how people could see her as a good person. I hugged her and let her process her emotions. She seemed to understand a little better after that.

I want to keep supporting Pik. I believe anyone can become any kind of person they want to be. It is clear Pik has a good heart and wants to embrace it. I want to help her do that if I can.

Entry Eleven
Today I spent time with lots of people in one of the cafes here in Tsukikage! In the beginning I some bad news about Eberwulf de Casul's (one of the people I met) dad dying made peoplevery sad. A lot of people knew him. It made Pik cry. I wanted to go and hug her but I didn't know how she would have felt about me doing that in front of lots of people. I wish I had, though.

After that though we talked about lots of things! Pik had to go early to take care of some business things I think, but Vega and the new people I met stayed!

I met the man I mentioned before, Eberwulf de Casul was a noble from Escharia who lives in Lostesrei. It was strange that I had never heard of him before even though I used to live there! He was some kind of mushroom-meat hybrid man. I don't remember the name for what he called people like him, it was very hard to pronounce.

I met another man called Golden O'Cath. He is a priest for a god! He wore a very cute tiger onesie.

The last person I met was a lady named Riley. She was cool too!

We all talked about lots of things. They explained a lot of things to me and I learned a lot! Like how the mushroom people worship their mom because she made all of them. I want to make people with magic too! It sounds like fun!

I asked them if it would be possible to make people with magic and to also change people's minds with magic. They seemed to not like this idea, though. It made them uncomfortable. I don't understand why people get so annoyed about the idea of there being peace for everyone forever! I wanna make it happen.

I need to talk to Azazel. I don't like them but I don't know anyone else who could teach me powers. I am worried about what they would ask me to do though if they said they would teach me. I don't wanna do anything evil.

Entry Twelve
Today I went to Tsukikage castle to see Azazel. They accepted my request to learn magic from them. Vega came with me to observe. I was extremely nervous. The last time I spoke to them, I didn't make the best impression. I still don't think they deserved politeness though.

They led us to a kind of library classroom type place in the castle. They sat me at a desk and Vega sat across from me on the other side of the room at a table. I was so anxious. I was sitting right in front of this person, this being who is so powerful and who uses their power to hurt so many people. I might not fully understand them or their reasons for doing the things they do but it would scare anyone to be in their presence no matter how much they understood a person like Azazel. I still find it hard to trust them. I really wish I understood what Pik sees in them.

Anyway. They started by explaining to me about the basics of magic. How they can make a fire in their hands by just imagining that it is a flint and steel and striking it. I thought that was crazy!

Then they showed me a strange book. It was written in symbols I couldn't understand. Azazel said that it is some kinda magic language that I need to learn to understand magic stuff.

We spoke about the different kinds of magic too. Azazel said they can teach me defensive magic, offensive magic, necromancy and something called "runic magic" which is like, putting magic runes on stuff to make it poweful like making a flaming sword.

I asked them if they could teach me mind magic and they immediately said no. I asked them and they told me that it isn't good and that there are people who hunt and kill mind magic users. They said they used to be one of them. I was not surprised.

I told them my goal is to stop violence and that I wanted to use mind magic to do it. I want to make people stop being obsessed with war and violence and just be at peace. That I wanted to become as strong as a god to do it. They told me that is impossible no matter how hard I tried. That I can't be like a god and that I can't make the peace I want. I don't know what it was but Azazel telling me that made me so angry inside. I just didn't like that. There has to be a way, right? If I can't use mind magic to change people's minds about violence and war then how can I? I don't want to accept that it is just part of life. People suffer every day! I want to stop it.

I just felt so sad. It seems like everything comes back to war and fighting. If Azazel wouldn't teach me mind magic then the only other options on the table are things that are used for fighting. Even defensive magic is only used in combat. Azazel said there is one spell out there that could help me but that it would be too dangerous to learn about before I learn the basics of magic. I don't know what they are offering me but I don't think it will be the peace I am looking for. I will work to learn about it though.

I was thinking about other ways to make the peace I want. I have seen warriors around in Tsukikage. I will have to ask about what they are called. I don't want to fight again but it is looking more and more like it might be my only option. But what if I did it in a different way? The warriors seem to fight with a few strong strikes to fight and while they train I have seem them sometimes use wooden versions of their swords. What if I had a weapon that wouldn't kill people and used that to make them stop fighting and calm down? Like, a sword that when it hits someone it makes them fall asleep? I wonder if I can do that with runic magic? If I mixed that with defensive magic maybe I could protect people and keep them safe by stopping people from hurting them without killing them? I will ask Vega about learning to fight, maybe. I will make it very very clear that I don't want to kill people though! Just... stop them in the way that hurts them least. I should also ask Vega why he fights. He seems to want to protect people but if that is the case why does he tolerate a being like Azazel?

One other big thing came out of this. Azazel asked me if I worship any gods. I said no and that I just like to show respect for all of nature instead. They then said that they had met another woman with an appearance similar to mine. Dog traits. I was shocked! A person like me? My parents said I was a magical mutation of some kind. Azazel said that made sense and that it meant I was blessed before I was born by nature spirits like the woman they mentioned. I was so shocked to hear this. I had no idea about this. It was so hard to imagine. They said my physical traits and emotional connection to nature were signs of it. They also said that I might be able to see the spirits, though it can be hard.

It is so much to take in. Me? Blessed? Spirits? What does it all mean? My head is spinning. Azazel said they wanted to take me to a place that is connected to all this, but another time. I want to know more about this. I need to learn it.

Azazel seemed nicer today than when I met them. Calmer. I still don't trust them fully. Our goals aren't the same. They like chaos and fighting and I only want peace. I don't know how to make this work. But it seems like they are my only chance to learn the things I want to learn. Maybe once I have learned enough I'll be able to forge my own path.

For now though I will study hard so I can move to the next part of my magic training and I will try to understand this blessing Azazel says I have.

My head is spinning.

Entry Thirteen
I spoke to Vega today about the things that have been on my mind recently. I don't know how to feel about the conversation, truth be told.

I spoke about Azazel. About how I didn't trust them and how they still scare me. That all the things they have said don't make sense to me and that I want answers. Vega said that he would keep me safe if something happened with him but he also seemed to not be so fearful or upset by the kinds of things Azazel does. I don't know. Maybe I misunderstood. It seems strange though. I would have thought Vega would be more opposed to Azazel than he is.

Vega also doesn't seem to understand how much I want peace. He seems to think that somehow killing should always be an option you should take if you need to. I don't agree. I dream of a better world. Nobody understands my dream. I told him I had a thought while watching the warriors (they are called Samurai, apparently!). I told him that I wanted to make a weapon that could just make people sleep instead of being hurt or killed. I asked him if he could train me to fight as well. He seemed like apprehensive about the idea. I think he disagrees with how I want to deal with problems. That is okay. I still want to prove the whole world wrong. I want everyone to be able to be able to live peacefully.

I have heard of a place far from here. Montroig. They work together to lead their nation, they don't have a god or a king or a family being in charge. They seem nice. I want to go there. Maybe they can help me and teach me. I will travel there soon.

Entry Fourteen
I have been in Montroig recently. Their capital, Terroja is beautiful. It is the biggest city I have ever seen! I have gotten myself a house and I have gone to one of their parliament meetings. It has been lovely so far here. I hope I can start learning soon too! The community here is lovely and accepting. Everyone seems to be able to be part of things and live their way. I like it a lot. I will split my time between here and Tsukikage!

Entry Fifteen
You have got to be kidding me. Everything has been for nothing. I have heard the rumours and now it seems they are truths. The world is ending. Rathnir is going to end. Eldham too, that far away place. They are not safe either. It is all over. Some god called Iristor is coming here in a comet. They are going to freeze the world and take us all away to another place. I am terrified. It is all over. Everything is just over.

I have spent most of my life going from place to place looking for a home. Each time I have found one it has been taken from me and just as it seemed like this time I really had found a forever home some awful being from the sky decides that I can't have it!

At this point my life is just a cruel joke. War is on the horizon everywhere. For some reason the people of this world have decided that instead of banding together to figure out how to beat this problem they are going to fight it out over what resources remain in the world. I don't understand. These people are insane. They are so obsessed with violence that they can't calm down and look at the bigger picture for even one second.

I love this world and it is going to be taken from me. Or rather, I will be taken from it. My dream of peace for us all is being crushed before I could even start working for it. In this new world we are supposedly being taken to by this horrible being people will be scared and confused. There will be more fighting than ever before. This is the worst possible scenario.

I need to become smarter. I need to become stronger. I wish I was more educated. If I was maybe I would have better answers. I will find teachers and wise folk. I need to learn.

I need to become stronger too. I need to learn to battle in my own way. In a way that protects people and minimises harm. I will not give up my beliefs. I need to find someone to teach me how. Vega could but I still don't think he approves of my wish to keep everyone alive, even if they are bad.

Surely there has to be some way we can stop this. If not then I at least want to go into this new world with the knowledge to build something new there. A new way for people. A life without fear and violence.

I will not give up. Curse you Iristor, you monstrous, evil being. How dare you assume that you know this world and what is right for it better than the people who live here? How dare you!

I can't be powerless anymore. I hate this! If I was better maybe I could do something about this. If I was smarter, if I was stronger. I will make it happen. I will find a way to gain power in one way or another. I can't stay weak forever. Be it in this world or the next I will find a way to protect peace - no matter what it takes.

Entry Sixteen
I has a conversation with Vega and Riley today. I spoke about my feelings about the end of the world. They were sad too but they didn't share my rage and desire to fight it. They already accepted fate. How? Why? It made me so angry! Why wouldn't they do anything? Even if there really is no way to stop this why aren't they trying to prepare? They are doing nothing! I held my tongue but I was so close to just... screaming at them! I don't understand.

Nobody understands the need to fight for peace. Everyone accepts death, violence and tragedy as a fact of life. They can't see that it doesn't have to be this way. I need to show them. I will show them.

I need to speak to Azazel again. I do not trust him and I still find his actions disgusting but he is the only path I currently have on learning to become stronger and smarter. I have read the books he gave me cover to cover. I grasp the magical concepts and I can even start to cast a couple of basics. I need more though. If I can't get Azazel's attention soon I will search elsewhere. Maybe I will go and travel and search for knowledge in nature.

People will stop underestimating me. I will not been seen as the stupid, weak peasant from afar! I will be better!

I don't want to feel like this. This anger isn't me. I don't like it. I just want peace and love. I just want calm. It is all I want. But the world is determined to destroy these things at any cost and nobody seems to care? What am I supposed to do?

Entry Seventeen
I attended the opening of a cafe in Brittlekeep today. It was a nice distraction from the impending doom we are facing. The service and the food were very nice!

While I was there I crossed paths with Azazel. We spoke for a while. They encouraged me to keep going with my studies and to try to commune more with the spirits as I have been blassed with the gift of being able to interact with them directly and so I should try to collaborate with them.

I told Azazel of my desire to fight against the influnence of gods on our lives, to remove their influence. They supported my goal but warned that it would be a dangerous path to take. I assured them that I would handle what would come and that my dedication to protecting us all from these fickle beasts was steadfast. They seemed satisfied by this. I may not like Azazel but I am glad we can agree on this.

I must keep my studies going. I am so much further ahead than where I once was. I have began to bring my studies forward independently and I am beginning to gain a true grasp on casting spells and the usage of magic. I will master this.

Entry Eighteen
Recently I met a man named Ser Aerion. He is a strange person but he seems decent enough. He doesn't seemed phased by the end of the world. I don't understand how people feel that way. How people can just accept the end. I know I can't stop it but it still fills me with rage - the horrors that are causing this must pay for what they are doing.

I will keep in touch with Ser Aerion. He plans on evacuating with his family. I wish him the best.

He is adept with magic and we have been discussing this. I told him about how I now spend almost all of my time communing with spirits and other creatures beyond the perview of normal worldly perception and how with my time spend with them I have learned so much so fast. Intellectual concepts have become far easier to understand. Azazel discovering my link to the spirits has been a massive boon. Without them I would understand so much less but now I am far more than I ever imagined possible for me. I will focus on these studies with everything I have. I need to learn more. With knowledge I will create something great.

Entry Nineteen
My knowledge grows. I feel confident to apply my engineering and magical concepts to the real world. It am happy with where this is going!

In other news, the "War of the Comet" has begun. Radicals from Eldham have begun attacking Rathnir. Madness. It is all madness. I hate this so much. I feel so powerless - is there really nothing I can do? People are dying for no reason. We should all be working together, not fighting! Fools. All of them. In this new world we are supposedly going to escape to perhaps I can make a place that operates on peace, cooperation and empathy. A place that makes the lives of all people better. These horrors should not repeat. We need to end this.