King Excrementus

"Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed guests, and loyal followers of the Dungmen faith,

Today marks a pivotal moment in the history of our world, as we gather to witness the rise of a new era—the era of the Dungmen! I stand before you as the Ruler of Dung, and I come not to sow seeds of fear or chaos but to enlighten you about the divine truth that lies in the essence of dung.

You may wonder why we have chosen to embrace such a seemingly unconventional path—a religion centered around dung. I assure you, there is nothing absurd about it. Dung is the symbol of life and transformation, the very embodiment of the cycle of nature itself. It holds the key to our salvation, and I call upon you to open your hearts and minds to this profound revelation.

Throughout history, mankind has been misled by false doctrines, misled by gods who demand blind faith without offering tangible blessings in return. But the Dungmen faith is different. Our gods are not distant, indifferent beings; they are present, in every inch of soil that yields bountiful harvests, in every blade of grass that sways with vitality, in every breath of fresh air that invigorates our lungs.

As the Ruler of Dung, I stand as a beacon of change, an agent of enlightenment, here to guide you to a future where we embrace the natural world and harness its fecundity. Embracing the Dungmen faith means aligning ourselves with the very essence of life. It means honoring the soil that nourishes us, the earth that sustains us, and the environment that cradles us.

Together, we shall revolutionize agriculture, not through the domination of nature but through harmonious collaboration with it. By respecting dung as a sacred gift, we can heal our lands, replenish our ecosystems, and ensure prosperity for generations to come.

I call upon each of you to join the Dungmen movement, for our cause is just, and our mission is clear. Together, we shall spread the teachings of dung, uniting the world under the banner of sustainability and reverence for Mother Earth. Let us replace wasteful practices with the wisdom of dung, creating a legacy that will be remembered through the ages.

Some may resist our message, dismissing us as eccentric or laughable. But history has shown that those who challenge the status quo are the catalysts for progress and change. It is time to cast off the shackles of outdated beliefs and embrace the truth of the Dungmen faith.

Together, we shall fertilize the world with knowledge, wisdom, and unity. We shall cultivate a future where nature and mankind coexist in perfect harmony, where the blessings of dung are bestowed upon all who honor its significance.

I urge you to stand with me as we embark on this sacred journey, not as followers but as pioneers of a new way of life. The Dungmen faith shall prevail, and together, we will forge a world where dung reigns supreme, and the cycle of life continues to flourish.

Join me, and together, let us shape a world where the Dungmen rise to bring about a brighter and more prosperous future for all.

Thank you."