Revelationist Garfism

Overview
Revelationist Garfism (sometimes referred to as Post-Modern NeoGarfism) is a religion that evolved from Garfism during Revelationist Period of Greenstem. The split hoped to bring Garfism back to a perceived holier time before it was twisted to the political goals of recent rulers of Greenstem. Revelationist Garfism revolves around the worship of The Forgotten God Garf, and the Saints, mortals acting as aspects of Garf's will. The canon includes texts from the Old Church of Garfism as well as new modern texts. The church runs the Region of Greenstem within Tortuga as a theocratic state. Prominent Garfist symbols include the Blue, White, and Black tri-colour flag which has been in use since February 2021, the Tael which is a cross representing the shine of Arbuckle's Lasagna on Garf's Tail.

Notable Garfist Events
The Church promotes these events as the most important and foundational to the religion.

The Revelation of Lasagna
In the early days of Greenstem’s founding (around Feb 2021), an orange and black striped pillar appeared at a hill outside of the farming village. The Garfist text ‘Sacrifice’ was written about the event.

The Massacre of Greenstem
During the Akratian Civil War, a lengthy conflict between rebellious Akratian cities, Leyth-ians, Akratian Loyalists, and Garfists occurred. The Garfists were fighting to take their homeland back which they had lost years prior. The final battle of this war was held in Greenstem in which the Free Greenstem Army retook the holy land from the Akratians with no losses.

The Garfpocalypse
At a ritual sacrifice of Revelationist Garfists taking place around Garf's Tail, a sudden army of Odie's demons and an aspect of Odie himself appeared and attacked the worshippers. After a long fight there, the worshippers eventually won, and they saw visions of an aspect of Garf sitting atop the tail. The worshippers circled the tail, chanting prayers, and eventually there appeared a ladder going into the sky above the street in Greenstem. The group of worshippers climbed it up to the clouds which they could stand on, and in front of them there was a golden pillar, upon which was perched an aspect of Garf, a glowing orange cat with fiery wings. Garf talked extensively to the worshippers, and appointed them as his chosen people to bring the Kingdom of Garf upon the whole world. At the end of this, the aspect of Garf asked if they wanted anything, and the group humbly returned that they did not. Garf gave his blessing and promise to the Garfists, and they floated safely to the ground. Garf raised Frederick Greencoat into the Eternal Sunday, speaking to him privately and bestowing the ultimate knowledge of the universe upon him, as well as a holy artifact, The Davis Lasagna, before returning him back to the ground.

Church Structure
The Church of Garfism has a strict hierarchy that extends throughout the politics, culture, and theology of Greenstem. The Arbiter of Garf's Will, first deified in the Revelation of Lasagna, acts as the leader of Garfism. The current arbiter is Frederick Goldencoat (jacw) of the Goldencoat line. The mostly ceremonial position of Throne, is crowned by the Arbiter and is the mayor of the Holy City of Greenstem. The current Throne is Gideon Greenstir (bossmancfp). Beneath these two roles are the Bishops. Bishops are ordained by the Arbiter and give counsel to the Arbiter and Throne, as well as write theology. Below the Bishops are Members of the Clergy, who discuss theology, can build and run churches, and work with the Church. A holy order of knights named the Order of the Eternal Sunday act as the military branch of the church. These knights were called by Garf to come to the holy land.

Holy Texts
Find more on the Garfist Text page.

Garfism (A Revision by Frederick Goldencoat)
On the first Monday of the lands of Rathnir, The Great Hound, Odie, stole the memory of the one true god, Garf, from the memories of man. False gods and unholy kings have run rampant ever since, and the power of Garf is fading. Garf and his meaty lasagna are worshiped by few that are unaffected by Odie’s curse. We are now stuck in the Great Hound, Odie’s, eternal cycle of Monday. However, there is still hope for ascension. Only through the worship of Garf, and the cleansing of heretics, can the virtuous Garfist hope to join Garfield and live in an Eternal Sunday. It is essential that we save the Forgotten God. A select few mortals are so divine they ascend past the Eternal Sunday and serve as aspects of Garf himself. These saints are worshiped alongside Garf. A list of those believed to have ascended remain in Greenstem.

Sacrifice
Few mortals remembered Garf. The old Garfist ways were no longer being practiced among humanity. For this, the people of Rathnir suffered. The soil in the town of Greenstem had become infertile, and their crops turned to ash. The town had no food for the upcoming winter. But not all had forgotten Garf. The town elder still told those who would listen about Garf and the spirits. Most labeled him crazy for they were a godless people. The elder climbed a hill to bring himself closer to the Eternal Sunday, and spoke out to Garf, “Please Garf, the forgotten god and lord of the dead, I know the people of my town are heretics, I know they have sinned, but find it in your infinite wisdom to bring life back to these lands.” At first there was nothing but silence. The elder sat on the hill. He knew his answer would come eventually. After many hours, the forgotten god whispered his will in the elders ear, “To save your people from their sins and cure them from the living world, you must make a great pilgrimage. Take this quartz seed and travel the great road to it’s end. When you arrive plant the tree in the soil and spread your knowledge of the true lord, Garf.” The elder left town the next day. Fuelled by his new purpose, he made quick pace. By midday he had made it a third of the way to the road’s end. He was then greeted by Ornamak, the wolf. Ornamak was the son of Odie, Lord of the Living, and the spirit of sin. The elder stopped calmly staring up at the towering beast. Ornamak stared back, drool pooling at his lips, snarling, evil within his eyes. The elder stood firm, Garf’s will protecting him. Ornamak’s voice seemed to come from the elders mind, “You have carried the fat cat’s burden long enough, please have a drink, you must be thirsty.” Ornamak presented the elder with a bottle of blood red wine. The elder’s thirst was undeniable, however he knew he needed his wits for the journey ahead. He said a prayer to Shrangi, the spirit of navigation and continued on his way. Ornamak growled at the elder, displeased at his failure. By nightfall the elder had made his way two thirds to the road’s end. It was then that Kematu the snake, spirit of trickery slithered behind the elder. Then darting in front of the old man stopping him. Again the spirit’s voice filled the elder’s head, “Please my friend, you look tired. Take a seat. Rest your eyes.” The elder was tired but he knew he couldn’t rest until the journey was completed. The elder prayed to the Seraph, spirit of resolve and continued on his way. By midnight the elder could see the end of the road in the distance. He was gripping his walking stick tightly, panting as he neared the end of the great road. But before him stood Odie. His voice boomed in the elders mind, sending him to his knees, “My son failed to stop you, the snake failed to stop you, how is it you continue still?” The elder spoke one word to Odie, “Faith.” He said a prayer to Armaris, spirit of bravery, and limped to the end of the road, planting the quartz seed. When the elder returned to his village Garf appeared on the hill. “You have done well child. You have made a great sacrifice. As you have sacrificed for me, I will sacrifice for you.” It was then Garf cut off his tail and stuck it on the hill. Fertility was restored to the town, and the people were cured of the curse Odie placed on them. They remembered Garf’s wisdom. “As for you child, I give you the name of Arbiter of my will. I bestow upon you a pure piece of the untainted universe.” It was a hot, meaty slice of Garf’s lasagna. The elder thanked the forgotten god looking out at his town realizing, people were beginning to remember.

Calling
The dreams had been becoming more frequent. Louis Goldencoat was a simple man. Although he was a man of faith, he hadn’t concerned himself with the divinity of his family. Stories of wars and chaos had reached his corner of the world but it seemed as though the politics of the south were a time long past for his family. However, a feeling kept creeping over him. Every newspaper he received of heretics and violence in his ancestors homeland, resonated deeply within him. His dreams grew dark, filled with whispers of a familiar voice. He tried, however unsuccessfully, to pay them no mind. He kept his head down, kept to himself. But one night, he had a particularly vivid dream. This didn’t feel like his other dreams, this one felt real.

He found himself in the streets of Greenstem, a place he hadn't been since his youth. The sky was dark. The streets were lined with rubble of the buildings of old. Winged serpents with the faces of men flew overhead. Some faces he recognized, the faces of old monarchs and of his ancestors, but some faces he didn't. The unknown faces appeared to him as soldiers, fishermen, and merchants. As he walked by the old cathedral it collapsed at his feet. He came upon where his father told him Garf’s Tail once stood. Suddenly, the ground opened up beneath him, sending him down a seemingly unending pit. As he fell a book appeared before him. He opened it only to find the pages blank. A whisper of pure ice rang through his head. It said, "Before you is a monument to your accomplishments. Your place in the Eternal Sunday is not guaranteed. Reaffirm my will in the south, and I may have a place for you by my side." He woke suddenly in a sweat, with an overwhelming sense of purpose. The next day he found himself on a boat to Sparwood.

When he arrived at the port city of Bogmire, he found it notably damaged by the wars that had been waged in Sparwood since his last visit. He walked along the roads paved by the ancient Serafinians, headed towards the land of his faith. The Greenstem he came upon was not one he recognized. The age of bright fields and quaint homes had passed. Instead he found a landscape scarred by craters and paved by pure stone. The farming village he had known was gone and in its place, a palace to an empire of evil and sin. Speaking to townsfolk he learned of their struggle to get by with farms that no longer produced crops. The tail of the Forgotten God that once brought fertility to these lands was missing. Upon meeting the new Throne, a descendent of the pure line of Greenstir by the name of Gideon, he had come to a conclusion. Louis spoke to the people of Greenstem, “It will be my mission to find the tail of the Forgotten God and return it to Greenstem, as my ancestor Saint Jeleriad did before me. I, Louis Goldencoat III, claim my ancestral seat as Sixth Arbiter of Garf's Will, Steward of Greenstem, and Warden of the Orthodox Line of Arbiters. I will return light to the holy land of Greenstem and aid the true throne Gideon Greenstir." That same whisper of ice filled his mind and spoke, "You have done well child of faith. You will find my tail guarded by the newly reborn snake known as Irododrial, son of Kematu."

Louis’s journey to find Irododrial was no small task. As he traveled across Sparwood, he heard rumors of a golden snake, resurrected by demons of evil, but no solid leads. His journey led him to the the field where the Quartz Forest once stood. In the birthplace of Saint Alesia herself, Louis knelt and prayed. As the quiet breeze blew through the grass, and a distant bird began to chirp, Louis was at peace within Garf’s creation. And there he stayed, kneeling in prayer for some time. The quiet of the field, allowed him time to reflect. On how far he had come from his small northern village, and also upon his insatiable hunger for a slice of lasagna. That was until he felt a rumble from deep below. The birds stopped chirping. The wind seemed to stand still. And right before his eyes, the ground erupted, as a golden snake, large as a castle burst out of the ground. The eyes of the beast were crimson, shining with murderous intent. And rising from the ground, in the middle of the snake's coil, a pillar of orange and black, shining like a star on the earth.

Although the snake never opened its mouth, Louis could hear it’s voice clear as day. “My master, the Great Hound, Odie, has instructed me to protect his prize. Greenstem is now his dominion. If you want to die, as many of your people have, trying to retrieve Garf’s tail, come meet your fate.” Louis looked up at the beast, who now towered several stories above him, casting a great shadow over the land. Louis spoke calmly, knowing his faith was all he needed to protect him, “If you are so sure in your victory, you come to me.” With a roar the beast came crashing down upon Louis, who quickly unsheathed his sword ‘Reverence’, holding it above him. The monster opened its mouth to devour the faithful, but was only met with the sting of Louis's blade as it impaled through the beasts jaw. A sound that no creature of the Forgotten God could produce came from the beast, as Irododrial fell to the ground. The snake had been slain.

Louis retrieved the Tail, returning it to the holy land. As the tail touched the soil it had long ago, the scarring upon the land healed. The towers of darkness fell around the city, as walls of pure life rose, claiming the land as Garf's dominion. What was now stone became grass once again. The fields of Greenstem grew, as life returned to the city. The people of Greenstem watched as Louis Goldencoat III’s soul was pulled from his body up towards the sky, towards the Eternal Sunday. A beam of light stood above the city, scraping the heavens as a reminder to all the virtuous that their day to join Garf in eternal salvation would come. Louis would be forever known as Saint Lorrendel, the Blessed. He is forever deified as an aspect of Garf's Will in Rathnir.

Inscribed on a plaque in Greenstem reads, “Before you, stands Garf’s Tail, bestowed upon Saint Jeleriad, returned by Saint Lorrendel. It is the common heritage of every Garfist, a piece of the untainted universe. A birthright to be shared. All of the blind will be given the opportunity to see.”

Garfpocalypse

I am Frederick Greencoat, Arbiter of Garf’s Will, First Mate of Tortuga, Throne Regent of Greenstem, Captain of the Greenstem region. In this text I will provide a first hand account to the events preceding and during Odie’s assault on Greenstem. I write this book as a warning to future generations. Remember the sins of our past and where it led us. Hear the holy words, hold them above all.

The people of Greenstem had grown greedy. Since Odie cursed all peoples, binding us to the lands of Rathnir, stripping our memories of Garf, and imprisoning us in a cycle of Monday, only the virtuous have been able to reach the Eternal Sunday, shepherded by the Lord of the Dead, Garf. Greenstem has gone through periods of virtue. Many Garfists have ascended, finding themselves among Garf’s realm of Sunday. But there always comes times in which Greenstem prospers, and the greed grows in Greenstem’s decadence. The foundational texts are cast aside, in favour of luxury. That is where Greenstem found itself once again. Pirate gold funded the holy city. Large vanity projects were undertaken. These projects were not in service of the Forgotten God, but our own desires.

There had been an increasing amount of rumours that had reached us, rumours of Garf interacting with the world once again. Saint Naerion met a spirit in Vostok, who bestowed gifts upon the faithful of the East. My first born, Wilhelm had grown an increasing fixation with Saint Naerion, and the lands he had absorbed into Greenstem. Him and I often spoke of theology, debating the nature of the many stories of our ancestors.

One night, as I was sat at my desk, a scream came from Wilhelm’s room. I rushed over to see what could only be a spirit in his doorway. It had the body of a man, but its head had one eye, surrounded by scaly flesh. The same description of the spirit that had been given by the faithful of Vostok. The spirit led us outside, to Saint Naerion’s mausoleum. We knelt before it as a diamond appeared before us. We both popped up, running towards the treasure. Before we could reach it the diamond had disappeared with a voice echoing in our heads, “Profit is not a righteous cause.”

The booming voice in our heads sent us back to our knees as it came again, this time with an omen, “seven days”. The spirit disappeared. The city descended into a panic. We emptied out the palace’s treasury, dumping it into a chest in the square, before Garf’s Tail, labelling it as a sacrifice to the Forgotten God. The townspeople armed themselves fearing the worst.

Seven days from our failure we gathered in the square in prayer, but our sins were heard by Odie. Hounds erupted from the earth, flying through the air launching fire. We made quick work of the demons. That was before the ground began to shake. The great hound was coming, and we all knew it. An aspect of Odie flew into the air. He hovered and shot explosive rocks, poisoning those who were hit. The faithful charged the hound. He killed many of our men but was soundly defeated.

Following the defeat of Odie, an aspect of Garf appeared to the faithful. An orange cat with wings of blue fire, hovering in front of his Tail, which sat in Greenstem’s square. Believing the creature to be a deception from Odie, the Tortugan Queen fired an arrow at the god. Before the arrow could reach him, Garf had disappeared, along with his Tail. In its absence, a small pool of lava. In utter despair, I began circling the spot where the Tail once stood, chanting, “We must repent”. One by one all the Garfists followed. Circling the square and chanting, “We must repent”. One by one we all began to glow. Throne Gideon Greenstir stopped circling and loudly declared, “Garf! We repent! Return your Tail! Return glory to our land!” Gideon calmly walked towards the pool of lava before shouting, “I do this for my nation! For my faith! For my people! Glory be to the Forgotten, and all powerful, God!” I ran to him. Before I could reach him he leapt into the pool of lava.

Right as Gideon’s foot touched the lava he was struck by a bolt of lightning. In an instant, the pool and Gideon were gone and Garf’s Tail had returned, several times taller. Along with it a horde of blaze, vexes, and bees. Rurik shouted, “Lesser spirits of Odie!” They had returned as one last effort to destroy the faithful, who still grieved over losing their Throne.

Arrows flew through the air. Vex blades clashed against Vostoki armour. Rurik swung wildly in the air, shouting curses upon his enemies. When the last vex fell to the ground, a ladder appeared, extending higher than any of us could see. After the group fought over who could be the first up the ladder, we began our long ascent. We climbed for what seemed like an eternity before finding the top of the ladder. To our surprise, there seemed to be a platform, not visible to mortal eyes. We saw the aspect of Garf once more. We all knelt before our God.

Garf, in his infinite wisdom, spoke upon us, the 13 chosen,

“Here my words, the age of Garfism comes now through Revelation.

The world is a lowly place, all is made through the Eternal Sunday.

The desires of man and flesh are false, only a distraction to the truth.

The false distraction is the way of the hungry, addicted spirits.

You, through perfect knowledge of me and my protectors, are fulfilled.

Praise the most holy of holies, keep the Lasagna of the creator safe in the sanctum. There is enlightenment within each one of you.

The enlightenment shall come when you have submitted your hands, stomach, heart, and soul to me.

My protectors are in your abode, they will take care of you if you take care of them. Let the church protect you, as you must protect it in return.

The sun and moon rotate around you, for you are the chosen people of Garf.

Keep these words, devote your whole being to me and my protectors, and you shall be served well.

In this, there is no death. There is coming a day of great judgement and sacrifice.

Those who are worthy of Sunday shall stand tall in the face of trial.

Those who cower remain in Monday.

You 13, you who have seen me and felt my warmth, you bring the Kingdom of Garf onto the world of Monday.

You may ask one thing before I return, to the most Holy Sunday.”

In response the Tortugan Queen proudly announces, "you spitting straight facts. I trust this lasagna cat." There was much discussion among the chosen. What should be asked of Garf himself? One voice cut above the rest. Wilhelm urges, “Ask for nothing. Remember what happened last time.” All nodded their heads and looked to their god. I looked back, humbled by the piety of my son and the Garfists around me, bowed my head and stated softly, “We seek only your honour, and ask nothing of you.” I stepped down from my pedestal and backed up joining the group and kneeling beside them.

Garf seemed pleased by the answer, “You are very wise, strong, and devoted. You shall be rewarded soon in your honour.”

Lightning struck the gold pillar Garf stood on, as his aspect vanished from Rathnir. Gold stairs appeared around the pillar, at the top was the most beautiful thing I had laid my eyes upon. A piece of the untainted universe, Davis’s Lasagna. As I climbed the stairs and picked it up, lightning struck the world and I began floating upward. As I ascended I heard Sweetbobbysauce say, “ I think this platform is about to disappear.” As soon as the words left his mouth the chosen began falling downwards and the latter disappeared. I later learned although they all fell to the ground, no injuries were sustained. Another of Garf’s miracles. I chuckled at what Sweetbobbysauce had said, not realizing what I was about to see.

I found myself in the land of the enlightened dead, the Eternal Sunday. I saw the rolling hills of Greenstem. The land appeared before me not as it is, but as it was before war left it scarred. It was peaceful. I saw my father. I saw a duck man. I saw Gideon. I called out to him but he didn’t seem to hear me. A light came from behind me, blinding my vision even though I didn’t turn around. I heard Garf speak once more to me, “Look upon my true form.” I turned and saw the true nature of the universe. I saw empires rise and fall, the tide rising and falling in tandem. I watched castles get constructed. I saw them torn down. I watched my children die and be born again, only to die again. I saw Odie place his curse upon all of Rathnir and I saw the faithful rising out of their sickness. Unchanging in the center of it all, I saw a cathedral. I saw my body lowered into a tomb beneath it. The sun and moon became blurs in the sky, circling the church. Greenstem crumbled around it. Waves crashed over the land as the ocean covered all of Rathnir. Still, the cathedral peaked above the storm. I tried to scream, in fear of what I was seeing. No noise came from me. Slowly I descended back to the ground.

It took some time to consider what I had been shown.

“All of the blind will be given the opportunity to see.”

When Garf spoke to us after the Garfpocalypse, he attempted to guide the blind towards the path to the Eternal Sunday. I am but a mortal attempting to hear the words of a god. I hope I have heard correctly. Praise be the Forgotten God.

Garf confirms enlightenment to be achievable by all. He also outlines the conditions for enlightenment that all must follow.

Garf calls for devotion of your whole being to Him and His protectors. He calls for the submission of your hands, stomach, heart, and soul. True and complete devotion to the Forgotten God, above all other false gods or kings, is required to reach His domain.

I have considered the statement, “The desires of man and flesh are false.” I have taken this to mean the greed of men takes away from faith. You can not be wholly dedicated to Garf with riches, power, or possessions occupying your mind. Thus we must cast these things aside, in favour of service to Garf.

One of the conditions of enlightenment outlined by Garf is perfect knowledge of Garf and his protectors. Garf seems to be all powerful and all knowing. Thus, perfect knowledge of Garf must mean true knowledge of everything. The Church must dedicate itself to the preservation, understanding, and spread of all information, Garfist or otherwise. Because everyone is capable of enlightenment, we must not gate keep such information. All must have access to all information if enlightenment is to be achieved.

All must live virtuously if they are to ascend. All must live virtuously to protect themselves from the dangers of Odie. All must live virtuously because Garf commands it. Praise be the Forgotten God.

History
Garfism was first founded in Serafini where it spread quickly. Many of the Garfists went west and discovered an ancient Akratian fort. The city of Greenstem was founded around this fort. Greenstem is where the fabled, Revelation of Lasagna would occur. This event would be written about in the text, ‘Sacrifice’, a core Garfist text. The man who wrote Sacrifice, Jacques Goldencoat I, would be given the title of Arbiter of Garf’s Will. The Arbiter would serve as the head of the Garfist Faith. The Arbiter would crown the first Throne of Greenstem, Wilhelm Greenstir. The Akratian Empire would later take Greenstem resulting in the death of the Arbiter and Throne. After the Akratian empire invaded the city, Garfists fled around the world, primarily to the south of the Sterling Crownlands, where the town, Garfstail was founded. The artifact known as Garf’s Tail was smuggled from Serafini and made it’s new home in Garfstail. The former Arbiters young son, Jacques II, left the city by boat, along with Garf’s Tail to further business and political aspirations. The young Arbiter landed in New Dorasterrock, capital city of Bardonia. Within Bardonia, Jacques II would expand his political standing. New Dorasterock’s flag was changed to display the iconic Blue, White, and Black of the Garfist flag. The Arbiter would gain a government position within Bardonia and work on reclaiming the former Garfist lands. Creighton Greenstir I, descendent of the first Throne of Greenstem met with Jacques II about retaking the city of Greenstem, the coveted holy land of the Garfist faith. On April 11, 2021, an army of 9 Garfists, 3 Leythe-ians and 3 Hands marched on the Akratian city of Isheleryn, formerly Greenstem, resulting in what has been known as the Massacre of Greenstem, resulting in 12 dead Akratians and 0 casualties for the Garfist Army. The city would be rebuilt in a new Garfist architectural style. Greenstem would go onto form the Kingdoms of Greenstem and Leythe and later the United Kingdoms of Western Sparwood, one of the largest empires in Sparwood history. This country would be ruled by the four crowns of Greenstem, Leythe, Avaria, and Eok. Following the collapse of the United Kingdoms, the story of true Garfism in Rathnir pauses only returning after the Order of Eternal Sunday is formed in Dark City, a borough of Greenstem, later being renamed Garf's Light following a Garfist coup in the city. The true lines of Greenstir and Goldencoat return to the city shortly after sparking the current era of Greenstem named the Revelationist Period.