Rules of Rat-Quistion

The Rules of Rat-Quisition are a hybrid between sales guide and holy text for the Cult of the Three-Tailed Rat. These rules are determined by the Three-Tailed Rat, who then whispers them in dreams to his Verminlord. The Verminlord then transcribes the rules into new editions for the Rules of Rat-Quisiton. New rules are added constantly, some of which will seem to conflict with other rules. This is supposedly to ensure his worshippers maintain a sharp eye and mind, ready to grab any advantage or opportunity they can.

The Complete List of the Rules of Rat-Quisition:

# 1: Greed is Eternal.

# 2: Profit for the clan is profit for you.

# 3: Profit for you is profit for the clan.

# 4: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

# 5: Small print leads to large risk.

# 6: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

# 7: Keep your ears open and your nose clear.

# 8: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

# 9: Once you have their money, you never give it back.

# 10: Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

# 11: A deal is a deal… until a better one comes along.

# 12: A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between rats.

# 13: Profit for any rat is profit for the Three-Tailed Rat.

# 14: A rat without profit is no rat at all.

# 15: Satisfaction is not guaranteed (But the customer doesn’t need to know that).

# 16: Never place friendship above profit.

# 17: A smart rat can smell profit.

# 18: A wise rat can smell a trap.

# 19: Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.

# 20: There’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

# 21: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

# 22: Peace is good for business.

# 23: War is good for business.

# 24: Profit is its own reward.

# 25: Never confuse wisdom with luck.

# 26: Good things come in small packages.

# 27: Never trust a no-fur wearing a nice suit. Never trust a no-fur.

# 28: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

# 29: Never ask when you can take.

# 30: Good customers are as rare as emerald: treasure them.

# 31: There is no substitute for success.

# 32: Free advice is seldom cheap.

# 33: Keep your lies consistent.

# 34: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

# 35: The riskier the road, the greater the profit,

# 36: Risk doesn’t always equal profit.

# 37: Knowledge equals profit.

# 38: Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

# 39: If you break it, I’ll charge you for it.

# 40: What’s good for the boss is good for the worker.

# 41: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

# 42: The more durable the product, the higher the price.

# 43: Never let the competition know what you’re thinking.

# 44: Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

# 45: Expand or die.

# 46: Enough is never enough.

# 47: Every no-fur has its price.

# 48: Trust is the biggest liability of all.

# 49: Nature decays, but emeralds are forever.

# 50: Sleep can interfere with opportunity.

# 51: Faith moves mountains… of inventory.

# 52: There is no honor in poverty.

# 53: Dignity and an empty sack are worth the sack.

# 54: Exploitation begins at home.

# 55: Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.

# 56: Everything is for sale, even friendship.

# 57: Even a blind rat can recognize the glow of emeralds.

# 58: You can’t make a deal if you’re dead.

# 59: Only fools pay retail.

# 60: People will buy anything… especially junk.

# 61: There’s nothing wrong with charity, as long as it winds up in your pocket.

# 62: Even in the worst times, someone makes a profit.

# 63: Whisper your way to success.

# 64: A rat is only worth the sum of his possessions.

# 65: Know your enemies, but do business with them always.

# 66: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

# 67: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their emeralds.

# 68: Hear all, trust nothing.

# 69: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

# 70: It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

# 71: The justification for profit is profit.

# 72: Some things cannot be reasonably labeled.

# 73: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.

# 74: A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.

# 75: Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

# 76: You can’t free a fish from water.

# 77: Always know what you’re buying.

# 78: If that’s what's written, that's what's written.

# 79: Emeralds last longer than love.

# 80: You can’t buy fate.

# 81: You can buy most other things.

# 82: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

# 83: Time is as valuable as emeralds.

# 84: More is good. All is better.

# 85: If an enemy can’t be bought, then prepare for a fight.

# 86: When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits… always kill the messenger.

# 87: A wealthy rat can afford anything except a conscience.

# 88: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for emeralds.

# 89: When in doubt, lie.

# 90: Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.

# 91: Deep down, everyone’s a rat.

# 92: No good deed ever goes unpunished.

# 93: Don’t disregard friendship, companions can be reliable customers and employees.

# 94: The success of minecraft and terraria prove child labor is not cruel, but what children desire.

# 95: If it can be bought, it can be sold.

# 96: Home is where the heart is, but the seas are made of emeralds.

# 97: If they don’t answer their door, go through the cellar.

# 98: Whatever price they offer you, double it.

# 99: If anyone asks, we’re not the skaven.


 * 1) 100: When no other rules apply, make one up.