Quaza Illay

UPDATES TO COME: Together, Quaza and Ozymandias the Withered, and arrive in Silkovia, where Quaza, choosing to become a citizen, trains his young architectural skills with builds and landscaping projects throughout the city. Suddenly, in the dead of night, Quaza rises from his bed and gazes into the mirror to see...a girl?! Apparently, Carven City is needing a new server for their catgirl/femboy café. Quaza is rather curious and rather tempted by the offer. Will he answer the call? Quaza makes an honest woman of Acerina. It's marriage time! It's time for a divorce.

Maturity Warning: violence, blood, war, sexually explicit content, and other nastiness is included in this character's life story. Please, read at your own risk.

Quaza Illay is the famed nomad artisan and architect of Rathnir. From homeless child, to hermit, to slave, to explorer, to town builder, Quaza has had quite the interesting life, and, throughout it, he has drawn many portraits and built many buildings.

Appearance
Quaza is certainly male, but is often mistaken to be a girl because of his long hair, pretty smile, seducing gaze, and overall dress. He wears common clothes; a white linen shirt, a pear of light grey turn-up shorts, and crimson red gladiator sandals; but they pinch and relax in all the wrong areas, thus disguising whether his body is even male or female. It doesn't help that his oversized linen top drapes heavily to one side of his torso, exposing his bare shoulder, collar region, and neck - which is a common effeminate way of dress. Those unsatisfied with simply accepting he's just a pretty young man insist he's a femboy. However, Quaza will always indubitably assert that he is not.

Personality
Kind, humble, patient, a great conversationalist, team player, and agreeable are descriptions often used when referring to Quaza. These descriptions are accurate, but there’s definitely more to his character. Quaza, taking advantage of his pretty looks, can be quite flirty, vivacious, and even somewhat lewd, especially towards women and men he finds attractive. He’s bisexual. He doesn’t mind men every now and then, but he’s often seen with women as his partners. Like any person familiar with the dangers of the world, he can be distrustful of others. He’s been plenty lied to before and suffered consequences for his gullibility - consequences he never wants to suffer again. Despite being familiar with liars and traitors, he never became one himself. He’s an honest man, and he’s not afraid to give constructive criticism or provide hard facts when needed. Additionally, despite being mostly agreeable, Quaza will steadfastly defend his architectural decisions when concerning the buildings he builds, and he will especially never surrender an argument to those whom he considers amateur builders.

Artistic and Architectural Contributions to Rathnir (So Far...)

 * Portrait of the Young Dalatra Mosulia
 * Portrait of Ozymandias the Withered
 * Portrait of Entropy
 * Portrait of Segra
 * Portrait of Ayla Pendragon-Biron
 * Portrait of Aiko Caicuria-McSpiegel
 * The Lighthouse of Silkovia, Emirate of Najer
 * The Shrine of Divinia, Silkovia, Emirate of Najer
 * Fort Splinky, Silkovia, Emirate of Najer
 * The Ballroom of Castle Aezen, Silkovia, Emirate of Najer

Childhood: Where It All Started
Quaza never knew his father nor his mother. His father was deceased - apparently, a casualty of war - and his mother was gone, too - unfortunately, a casualty of the boy’s arrival. The streets of …[the city which shall not be named] were his home, and the local city folk raised him from a baby to a boy. Some taught him how to read a little. Some taught him how to write. One generous miner even taught him how to craft tools. Quaza also learned from the city's builders and would spend hours each day admiring them and watching them construct new sites throughout the city. These moments inspired the boy's interest in architecture, and he would soon long to create his own buildings someday. The kind city folk who nurtured him were the people Quaza came to love like family.

He never really liked the rest of the city folk though, and he had a taste for adventure - so he stole. Pickpocketing and thieving one neighbor after another. Diamonds, emeralds, gold and silver: he collected all the prettiest rocks. For a while, Quaza got away with it; however, his wicked achievements would soon be brought to public light. Mentions became whispers, whispers became rumors, and rumors became songs sung all throughout the city, with lyrics describing urban legends of the spawn of beelzebub who came to steal wives’ necklaces and pillage husbands’ chests. These songs came to ring in the ears of justice. Eventually, the city guards, guided by detectives, unearthed the whereabouts of this so-called urban legend and dragged him through the streets in chains and shackles. Quaza was sobbing all the while. He was still a boy after all, and this was his first time ever being disciplined. He would hate authority from then on and vowed never to live in the city again. Many took pity on the orphan boy, but the realization that he was just a common thief soon wiped all the pity away. Now, not a soul in the world cared, and even the ones who loved him learned to move on. Quaza would eventually escape his binds. The adventurous spirit within him was more powerful than the lust drive of a sex-dreprived husband, so chains and shackles could never hold him long. In his escape, he fled south to the archipelagos of Eisenland, taking refuge in the wilderness.

Paradise in the Tropics: Joyful Days in the Sun
He lived his most pleasurable days on the Eisenland islands - trodding joyfully through the meadows and prairies, hiking feverishly to the peaks of long dead ancient volcanoes, and reclining peacefully in the shadows of the forest woods and palm trees. Fish, bread, watermelon, and cooked potatoes were his main sustenance. Sometimes, he delighted in cake, but since its ingredients were extremely rare, he couldn't steal them too often. His shelter suited his new hermit lifestyle in the tropics: a small sand shack with a roof constructed of wooden blocks and planks. It was an ugly building, for sure, but it was comfortable and only his first. He would learn to improve the quality of his builds over the course of his adventurous nomadic life. However, this time of his life would see the production of numerous crude and simple buildings. These were simple, yet overall joyous times.

Kidnapping and Enslavement: Terrible, Traumatic Times
Pleasurable moments, unfortunately, never last forever and Quaza’s joyous days in the sun were abruptly ended by pirates. A barbarous crew of Tortugan pirates kidnapped him and forced him to serve as their slave, and, for many moons under their captivity, he suffered…[unspeakable torment].

Some seamen who were a little more sympathetic to the boy gave him the name Illay - a name combining the words “ill” and “lay,” symbolizing the sad irony of the boy’s existence at the time. Quaza begrudgingly accepted the name.

Escape out to Sea: Freedom, Freedom, Freedom
Nevertheless, like the city dungeons of …[the city which shall not be named], iron binds, even slave shackles and cuffs, could not hold him. He managed to escape the pirates, but, unfortunately, not with his dignity intact. He was, at least, able to take some treasure with him: a couple of diamonds, some gold, a few iron ingots and, most importantly, a red journal, which he would travel with throughout all of his journies through Rathnir. Escaping by boat, he sailed far and further beyond those treacherous lands, to which he vowed to never return.

Heading north and east, he hopped from island to island and from sea to sea. Eventually, he reached the shores of what was once the widely-renowned Federation of Huitca. There he traversed the isle of Ocotlan and took pleasure in visiting many of its beautiful ancient cities – notably Aequalis, with its massive stone and turquoise walls; Erenova, with its comfortable streets and scenic views of the mountain peaks; and Tlahatl, the ruined capital.

Visiting the Ruins of Tlahatl: This Place Was Better Left Abandoned
Within the ruined capital’s empty walls and its abandoned streets, Quaza found a home. A desolate place, it was, but it was also a sanctuary where the boy could finally be left alone. However, the nightmares wouldn’t leave him be when the nighttime came. He experienced terrible dreams, one of which was of a dark being:

Terrible nightmares, of Entropy and…events of the past, soon drove him to abandon the ruins, like the others who came and left before him.

He would sail north and east, where he would soon reach the shores of Bardonia.

Port Solanaria, Bardonia: A Whole New World
The streets were narrow, yet quaint. The buildings were squat, yet comfortable. The settlement was small, yet extremely lively. This was Port Solanaria, and it was Quaza’s first taste of Bardonia. It had left a good impression. The people were quite friendly, despite him being a stranger, and though he scarcely trusted anyone, they found no ill will towards him. Even one of the city guards, whose job it was to suspect every stranger, and even some of the citizens, merely confronted Quaza to teach him how to say a few words and greetings in Bardonian, after quickly and easily identifying that the boy was foreign and quite ignorant of the local lingua franca. Quaza found the place itself to be quite peaceful. The harbor was especially so, and, during the first evening of his stay, he watched the sunset descend into the horizon while reclining atop the bowsprit of a small caravel docked just along the boardwalk. He reckoned he would remember that swirly orange sky forever, and it was, in part, thanks to being in this peaceful and friendly town. It was here that Quaza, after living such a traumatic life up to this moment, began to fall in love with life, again. A part of him was moved to forgive the past, so long as his future was as beautiful as that sunset, and as lively and gentle as this town. There was another foreigner in town that day who would later spy Quaza producing sketches of the local townsfolk. He noticed the drawings were mostly portrait sketches of the pretty girls and gorgeous men that walked by. These, like most citizens of the town, were people he could never properly meet without chasing away out of fright before any proper introductions were made. His withered face and the fact he was literally a living skeleton absolutely terrified every mortal face that gazed upon him - everyone, except Quaza. The boy had seen much more horrific creatures before, especially in his own nightmares, so, compared to those, Ozymandias the Withered man was quite beautiful. The young artisan was the first human being brave enough to receive the withered man’s name and answer with his own in return. Though Ozy, as Quaza liked to call him, was often extremely reserved and never spoke much, almost to the point of saying less than a few sentences a day, at times, was so intrigued with the boy’s talent and so surprised at his fearlessness that he began delivering soliloquy after soliloquy - with some questions in between. The conversation was one-sided, but the withered man was grateful that a conversation was being held at all. Quaza had learned patience long ago, so he didn't mind the long conversation. Additionally, he was just as interested in learning about Ozymandias as the withered man was interested in talking about himself to him. The withered stranger highly regarded Quaza’s work as he looked through the numerous sketches of his red journal. Quaza was hesitant, however, to allow him to see certain pages, which held either bad, embarrassing, or explicit drawings. He only allowed a few of his writings to be read, as well. The book, despite carrying “masterpieces,” as Ozy once described, was an extremely personal possession. Whatever experiences and internal reflections Quaza experienced would no doubt be described within the pages of that red journal - many of which the boy wanted to keep private. Ozymandias had been proven, though, even from just the few pages he was allowed to see, that the boy was skilled - skilled enough to produce his portrait, and, thus, Quaza was then given his first commission.

After a few nights spent in Port Solanaria, Ozymandias was set to return to the road. He was a traveler after all, and he aimed to return home to Escharia to document his most recent excursions throughout the world. Before arriving there; however, he wanted to make a few important stops along the road, one of which would be the city of Silkovia, an island settlement within the Emirate of Najer. He had many friends living there which he hadn’t seen in years.

His journey would have him trekking to the opposite side of the world. Quaza was willing to join him - for he still had that insatiable thirst for adventure.

Silkovia : The New Home
It took a month of travel through winding jungle, forest, and desert roads to finally reach the island city. (Their roadside adventures will be reserved for another story.)

[More on Quaza's story in Silkovia will come shortly.]

Continued Travels: Exposure to the World Out There
Silkovia felt more like home than the streets of …[the city which shall not be named] or the shack Quaza built on Eisenland could ever be. He never wanted to leave, but the urge to step out beyond the city walls to explore again never went away. Soon he would find himself traveling throughout Najer, throughout Bardonia, and even throughout Aurora, a kingdom reigning on the continent of Haven, a landmass tucked over yonder into the southwest corner of Rathnir.

[Stay tuned. There will be more to come very soon!]

Aurora with Acerina - The First Date
It was a swirling sunset sky. The clouds meandered all throughout, catching the lingering streaks of red sunlight. The chilling breeze of evening brushed against Quaza’s brow, and his dark locks reciprocated their flow - waving gently like flags. This gorgeous hour of the day was only complemented by the pretty scenery of Heart's Bay. No other harbor-town in Rathnir looked as gorgeous. It’s cathedrals and apartments, with their towering cobblestone spires and finials, decorated the skyline. In the town square, fabrics, flags, and flowers hung from wires that leaped across the wide streets and conjoined at the top of the fountain. The spouting stone monument was the centerpiece of this cityscape. It was masterfully sculpted and unleashed the clearest blue waters. Quaza, taking a leisurely stroll through this cityscape, soon descended the stone steps which led to the docks. The entire city was perched on a cliff, and at its base rested the beach and the harbor. Stationed along the pier was a mighty sailboat. Its mast was as high as the cliff, and, standing just beneath it, embracing the breeze, was Acerina Alastir. The winds began to settle, and orange-haired Al-Basti soon turned to find Quaza’s kind and curious eyes looking into her own. She escaped the boat and made her way over to him. She was somewhat hesitant to approach, though. Was this really the man she was exchanging letters with? He was prettier than she expected. Was the secret messenger a girl this whole time? She was tempted to walk past him, willing to compromise on having an awkward situation rather than discovering the ugly truth. However, she was convinced otherwise when she heard his voice:

"Acerina, isn't it? Well, aren't you looking just lovely this evening. The name's Quaza. Nice to finally meet you in person."

"Yes, thank you, Quaza. Nice to meet you too. Sorry, for a second there I mistook for a girl."

Quaza grew a playful smile on his face and chuckled briefly. "You are not the first woman nor man to make that mistake,  and I'll doubt you'll be the last. Alas, I'm glad you came. Mind joining me for a stroll?"

"Certainly." Replied Acerina.

The depth and confidence of his tone surprised her. He appeared too pretty to have such a masculine voice, but she resolved in her mind that she wouldn't complain - for now. The two walked blissfully through the streets, soaking in every charming new sight. The two shared many a conversation. Astonishingly, the pair shared great chemistry between them, and there were already signs of a growing romance. Quaza couldn’t help but become subtly more flirtatious by the hour, and his delicate advances were not in vain. Acerina was growing more attracted to Quaza, in return, and so she became more open to talking about herself and began expressing more playfulness and excitement within their conversation. Their affection for each other continued to rise like the sun leaping from the horizon. They talked all night while reclining at the beach and, when the morning came, they were gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. Axel was their next destination. It was a towering metropolis, literally. Its apartments stood as tall as mountains, its harbor hosted a fleet of massive frigates, and its lighthouse nearly reached the stratosphere. Quaza’s mind was thoroughly blown. He'd never seen builds so large and impressive before. Inspiration was everywhere, but the scale of everything nearly terrified him, too. It was not fear, though; it was thrill.

He was overjoyed while seeing them, and so was Acie. The builds impressed her too, and Quaza’s positive vibes were so infectious that she couldn't help grinning at every step they took. For the first time in years, she was having fun during a date and feeling deeply intrigued with the man she was dating. Walking from street to street, randomly making twists here and turns there, eventually found themselves at a gorgeous wedding venue built at the corner of the road. It was a board walk that stretched out from the earth and the stone pavement into a pond formed at the foot of a steep rocky wall. Bold curiosity found the two standing at the end of the aisle - right before the podium - exactly where the bride and groom stood. They faced each other, admiring the lovely face that stared into their own. It was the longest five seconds they had ever felt. They said nothing - did nothing. They just stared, patiently waiting for either one to do...something. Anxiety began to slowly creep into their bowels; then, Quaza made the first move. He moved his body forward, and his lips met with Acerina's. It was their first kiss. Beyond the venue, the whole road extended further through a mountain range; then, the mountains became hills, and the hills became plains. In the plains were rows of vibrant reds, blues, oranges, and purples. It was a magnificent prairie. (Likely planted by, or, at least, inspired by the gardens of Koari Hyacinthus.) Rows of pretty blooms stretch across the distance of the plain. Here, Acie suddenly came up with an idea. She dove among the lilies, gloves, and roses to pick out the brightest blooms - she was crafting for her date a lovely flower crown. Quaza approached behind her, and when she turned around to offer her gift, he gladly accepted it, then, in return, he offered her a deep and affectionate kiss. She was caught off-guard by this, but she didn't refuse him. She asked for another, and just one more after that one. Quaza was feeling generous that day, so he kissed her more and more. The two nearly fell into a fit of passion before Quaza suddenly decided to stop. He tauntingly held up a finger to Acerina's lips when she tried to engage his lips again. He then leaped through the flowers to find the road.

"Hey, Acie, I believe we have other sights to see. By the way, you seem distracted, sweetheart. Are you alright?"

The slick bastard was teasing her. Acerina couldn't help but feel embarrassed and a little irritated. She enjoyed the game he was playing just a little bit, though. The rest of the date was heavy with exploring and flirting. The couple spent the next hours horsing around atop the towering skyscraper in Terroja, playing Ace Attorney in the courthouse of Tiatua, climbing the gigantuan oak tree of Chervonstad, and, in the same city, reclined atop the roof of a large pagoda within the Japanese district. At the end of the date, as they watched another sunrise, both Quaza and Acerina confessed to each other that they enjoyed the date. Quaza, encouraged by this experience, proposed another, which Acerina immediately and gleefully accepted. The two went their separate ways at noon, anticipating the day they’ll see each other again.

Najer with Acerina - The Second Date
For the Second Date, Quaza encouraged Acerina to come to Najer, his home. She didn't need much convincing. The young Al-Basti was willing to travel anywhere with her new boyfriend, so long as there were new sights to see and they weren't in Sparwood. Here in the emirate, there was sand everywhere. The rumored neverending deserts of Najer were, in an instant, proven to be neither lies, tales, nor rumors, and the difficulties of being in such an environment were not a trifle. However, civilization managed to find a way - with the cradle of all of Najer being the city of Najerajad. The settlement was a massive ancient sandstone palace made up of tall spires guarded by tall walls with stump towers that protruded the skyline, making the city visible for dozens of miles among the sandy horizon. Acerina, finally seeing its silhouette in the distance, would find refuge, as well as her date, within the ancient city’s walls and gates. She was exhausted, but far from passing out. Al-Basti were inhuman - an even somewhat demonic - so Acie was genetically equipped to withstand the toughest nature could throw at her. Furthermore, being an immortal simply taught her how to be patient with most circumstances, including running through the desert heat for miles for a date. Quaza, relaxing in the shade, waiting patiently for her beneath a tree. His head was raised allowing his hair to fall gracefully to his shoulders and his eyes were shut as he bathed in the slight breeze that drifted by. The nomad was reflecting on a building idea that had come to mind just now. However, he was soon distracted from the thought. Noticing the slight pitter patter of someone stepping in the sand prompted him to eye whoever was approaching, and he was pleased to see it was Acerina. He abandoned the tree to welcome her beneath the arch of the wall. He reached out to hold her sweaty hands when she arrived. She presented them, in kind, and the two held hands.

“Hello, there sweetheart! I hope the walk wasn’t too taxing for you.” spoke Quaza.

In a voice slightly hoarse, Acerina replied, “No. No. Quaza. I’m fine - just sweaty that’s all.”

He chuckled briefly. “Yeah, the desert here can be a formidable place, especially when it comes to distance. But I’m glad to see you’re safe.”

“Same. I hope I’m not late, by the way.”

“You are, and I hate to wait, but all will be forgiven with a good date.” He gave a charming wink afterwards, and, while still holding Acerina’s hands, tugged her into the city to start the tour.

Acerina soon withdrew her hands and halted on the street. Quaza turned to look at her. He asked if there was something wrong. There was nothing wrong, only something different. The Al-Basti found herself gazing at Quaza’s fresh new clothes. His shirt was the first surprise of his attire - a form fitting long-sleeved top with a wide v-neck. It was a stark contrast to the white linen top he’d worn before, and it was paired with dark grey turn-up shorts. His new shoes were boots - black, leather, and high-top. Overall the entire outfit expressed a darker palette, but Quaza’s personality was still as light and as joyful as it could ever be. A black wristband, an orange leather watch, and a shiny pearl necklace complemented his new fit. Acerina adored it. Quaza was amused that she liked it so much. They spent their time wandering the streets and hallways of the ancient place. There wasn’t much to see, so they chased each other all along the walls. It was an exhilarating game of tag. Then, they moved on. The road they chose led them to a ghost-town named Mirwa. At one point in time, it was a bustling metropolis, but now the city is a ruin. Neglect and absentee leadership drove its population away (and, now, even its /la spawn has been deleted); consequently, the entire settlement lies lonely and undisturbed - its sandstone walls, and everything within them, ready to be consumed by time. It wasn’t a bother to either date though, who were too busy discussing which pet was better: cats or dogs. Ultimately, dogs won that discussion. Acerina was even motivated to adopt one, despite being biased towards cats, but she would only do so if she married Quaza. If that were to ever happen, she would name the dog Chandelier. (This is based on a hilarious joke: Acie just cannot spell “chandelier” correctly - not even to save her life! XD). Their walk through Mirwa was short and sweet. Campus Ordo was their next destination. A pleasant campfire picnic in a small hidden park and a private session of karaoke in the cafeteria were the only activities the couple enjoyed here, but they were memorable experiences, nonetheless. Acerina's performance proved that she was, to say the least, not the best at singing. Quaza, unfortunately, couldn't sing like an angel either, so the couple thoroughly enjoyed laughing at themselves.

Divorce:
Briefly - only briefly - were Acerina and Quaza married. Treachery and embarrassment quickly ruined it to the point of divorce. Despite Quaza’s faithfulness, leadership, and wealth, the eldritch woman decided to cheat on him with a lesser and jealous man, who ignorantly assumed Quaza was the Emir and unjustly claimed him responsible for upsetting his “friend”. He was a poor man lost in his own stupid delusions - a man Acerina ultimately longed for. The pain of betrayal weighed heavily upon Quaza - it was his first experience with infidelity - but he was ultimately thankful for this conclusion. Acerina was toxic - unnecessarily disagreeable, selfish, and a liar. She also couldn’t handle facing difficult circumstances, and couldn’t handle commitment, especially in marriage. There was only one decision Quaza wanted to make: a divorce. He reconciled himself that there was no saving the marriage. Nobody deserves to be so mistreated, even him.

When the divorce was finally settled, Quaza sought some alone time to heal and reflect. From this point on, he would become wiser, stronger, more confident, and more eager to bless Rathnir with his talents.

A Growing Passion for Fashion
Some time before his wedding, Quaza began falling in love with fashion. He found so much drab in everyone’s usual wear. It was an issue that plagued the whole of Rathnir, and it drove him crazy! This was a problem he dearly wanted to fix, so he started with those closest to him. He took it upon himself to design new uniforms for all of his coworkers at the maid café. Next, he tailored a special dress for his soon-to-be wife. White was its main color palette, of course - the typical hue for a wedding dress, but its design was heavily inspired by military uniforms and medieval dress styles. In addition, a degree of avant-garde contributed to the combination, and it produced a gorgeous result. It was shaped like a trench coat but stretched over the body like a ball gown, and, though only thigh-length, fabrics soaring from the side and rear of the dress fell gracefully to the floor. Both the bottom of the fabric and the top of the dress, which submitted its height to expose the shoulders, were lined with golden rims. Dangling just below the shoulders were golden epaulettes that sparkled in the sun. They were supported by strands of cloth draped close to the neck, and these were decorated with delicate white flowers. Long sleeves extended from the coils of the epaulettes to just above the knuckles. A generous breast window was presented at the apex of the dress, adjusting the cleavage to be as prevalent and as pronounced as possible. It was bound to be a controversial feature, but Quaza was pleased with his work, nevertheless. The final touches were pairs of golden buttons that continued in rows down the center of the dress. White boots and a flowered headband proved to be suitable compliments, and both were customized to fit the overall composition. A few days were taken to design the dress but less than two hours was needed to produce it. Quaza loved it. Acerina adored it. In his own words though, Quaza called it “a modest gift,” but every thread and detail was sown with joy and passion. This same passion would transform into ambition, which would inspire him to think about creating and selling his own clothes.

Selling the Dress and the Creation of ILLAY Tailoring
Some time after his marriage, wanting to erase his ex-wife from memory, Quaza strove to auction off the special dress he made for her. It was still in excellent condition, and, among the many who saw it, many wanted to have it themselves. On the night of the auction, the house was packed. An entire crowd - a drove of eager buyers - flooded inside the auction house to place their bids. Despite the hefty price, the wedding dress was sold out that same night. Quaza was thoroughly amazed. He had not had the slightest clue that so many people were interested in his work. From this new insight, he knew exactly what he needed to do: open his very own tailoring shop - this was the inception of ILLAY Tailoring.

Solemn Reflections on the Fall of Tortuga (a poem)
Woah! Am I sunken in bottled greys?

Have I wandered too far and lost my way?

Really, what words can I say?!

As I read the headlines which display:

"The whole of Tortuga has fallen today!"

Is that beastly nation:

Its barbaric navy

Its tolerance for evil sensation

Its reign by the scummiest of the scurvy

Now all conquered territory?

Should I release in relief?

Should I hoist my breathe in cheer?

Or shall I wait two days longer -

Preparing for disappointment to draw near?

I recollect that patience rewards

So, indeed I wait…

"Hordien and Lorent have received the surrender!"

"Tortuga is now a dead state!"

My eyes shine and quiver.

Though I withhold my tears, even from this fate.

However a tiny drop does escape…

Despite this triumph,... it's hard to feel healed

From all the pain that I felt

From my innocence now killed

To a body as broken as the mind

To a punctured heart now steeled

Is this history

my symbolic victory?

Or is my thirst for revenge

Given reason to sway, then?

…I believe I'm lost in my head, again.